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Having read, analysed and annotated Francis Webb’s Poem ” End of the Picnic”, I’ve decided to take a more creative approach;

Destination Unknown

Torn, stranded, locked away
From an island where one minute feels like a day
Short breaths breathing fast others pushed out slow
Like white clouds covering a golden morning glow

These breaths start taking a pace
One, two, three, four.. now there’s 8
Compacted together, forced inside
Just waiting for the right moment to rise

Closer and Closer, the end is near
Sliding down his face arrives one shinny tear
The barrier drops, he’s found the unknown
Now the battle begins and theres no where to go

By Annaliese Ferraro

The reason why “End of the Picnic” spoke to me was because it’s powerful energy that Webb uses is through his opaque writing style. As mine may seem transparent, It has inspired me to call it “Destination Unknown”. Destination Unknown is also about the journey to Australia from the White European’s point of fire but from a micro-moment as the perspective.

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2 thoughts on “#6 Destination Unknown

  1. I always enjoy reading your blogs. I enjoy your creative side and how you think outside of the box. And I admire how you can read an opaque poem, understand it thoroughly and then create a similar poem, with a different writing style. I think you have mastered the art of looking at apiece of writing and interpreting it into your own ideas without falling into the trap of plagiarism – which I think can be very easily done when writing a poem about a poem. In stanza one, you have an understandable rhyming scheme of AABB, which worked along with your content. From the first stanza alone, I already receive the same feelings as I di reading the entire poem of End of the Picnic. So well done! This is a well-constructed poem with effective results. A photo along with your blog would be another thing to add but other than that your blog, as always, was very enjoyable to read.

    Like

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