Hey Brittney,
What a great interpretation of the way Emma reacts to this situation. I love the way you used syntax, in short, sharp sentences to show the immediate reaction of Emma’s subconscious realisation that the man she cares is being loved over by another. When you used the sentence, “How could I be so stupid as to miss that?”, to me, it felt more like a current version of what Emma would have said if she was placed in this time period, so I was really appreciative of the time jump.
Something that I think you could work on is maybe to add more onto the line, “Why am I getting so jealous about this situation? No, no. I love Mr Knightley.”. An additional line or even just one elongated sentence would have made this certain line in your entire paragraph pop out as this is the most important line, it is the moment she realises her deep love for someone she blindsided in this time. Overall, I really enjoyed your take! Well Done! 🙂

https://brittneywebsterblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/27/blog-2-creative-emma/comment-page-1/#comment-52

 

Advertisements

One thought on “#2 Peer Review

  1. HI Annaliese
    nice enthusiastic response! But:
    *Please attend to editing your work carefully. Here is what I have picked up:
    *…the immediate reaction that Emma has heard her own realisation in her head = This doesn’t make sense. Read it aloud and see if you can fix it.
    * is being fonded over by another. = ????? fondled????
    * An addition-line = An additional line

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s